We all need other people do things for us. we need other people's help. Often, working alone will not get us through important things. Even if it does, it will take more time, it will be longer and it will be much more frustrating. On the hand having people by yourside, doing things for you and helping you, will open doors of success, opportunities.
We always have a hard time to get other people to do what we want. Others want to do what they want, when they want and how they want. furthermore, we are always direct, asking them to do get out of their ways to help us. This way maybe you can get a couple of your close friends to do what you want but it will be because of your history together and the tasks will be unfinished and they start to disappear. They use justification why they did not stick to the task at hand.
Handling people and knowing how human psychology works, is crucial for our future. When asking people, we tend to remind them what we did for them in the past or what a friend we have been to them or directly asking them: "please, help me achieve this". I have this friend who called me if I know any business owner who wants to invest his or her money so he can make money. He was asking me to go through all those trouble and jump through hoops, so he can make money! I said " absolutely" but we all know what that " absolutely" meant.
I am going to give you some strategies so you can use to get others to help you and do what you want.
1-Always Appeal to people's Self-interest / Never Appeal To Their Mercy or Gratitude
If you need any help, do not bother reminding people
how you help them in the pas. They will find ways to ignore you
. Instead: always reveal how they can benefit from
doing the task you have in mind. Emphasize it
out of proportion. Do not make it about how you can win
. show them how they can win, gain benefits and succeed.
In the early 14th century, a young man named Castruccio rose to become the lord of the great city of Lucca, Italy, One of the families, Poggios, Helped him in his journy to the top. But, when Castruccio become the lord, they felt that Castruccio forgot about them . When Castruccio was away fighting battles with Florence. Poggios conspired to get rid of Castruccio with the helps of other noble families.
the plotters killed the governor who Castruccio instated to rule the city on his behalf.
At the height of the battle between the Castruccio's supporter and enemies, a peaceful man named Stefano di Poggio who were not involved in the uprising, made both side to stay down and avoid the bloodshed. When Castruccio found out about the rebellion he hurried back to Lucca. When he got there he was surprised to see the city calm and peaceful. Stefano thought Castruccio would be grateful so he paid Castruccio a visit. He explained how he brought peace back and begged for Castruccio's mercy. He reminded Castruccio of his family's generosity and how Castruccio should forgive them and listen to their complaints.
Castruccio listened calmly and he promised Stefano that the justice will be served and asked Stefano to bring his entire family there to come to an agreement. When the family came to the castle. all of them were imprisoned and executed later. including Stefano.
There is an art to "asking for help". Most people don't know anything about it. Most people do not succeed at this because all they want is their desires and their wants and their needs. What they don't realize is even powerful people have needs and if you do not appeal to them, They merely see you as desperate or a waste of time
2- Don't argue with people. show them through your action.
Any victory that you think you gain from arguing is weak and fake.
Winning by arguing, make people resentful,
You will create an anger that can last for years. Instead, it is
much more powerful to get others to agree with you through your action.
In 131 B.C The Romans laid a siege to Pergamus, a Greek town. The Roman council was in in need to ram to force through the town's walls. They needed masts ( The mast of a sailing vessel is a tall spar, or arrangement of spars, erected more or less vertically on the centre-line of a ship or boat ). One of the Romans had seen some Large mast in Athens days before so he wanted even bigger masts for their ships. The military engineer who received the order was certain that they needed smaller masts. not bigger. He argued endlessly with the soldier who delivered the request.
The soldier warned him that their master is not a man to argue with. but he insisted that the smaller mast would. The soldier told him to swallow his expertise and obey but the engineer went thinking about what is the in obeying an order which would lead to failure ? So he sent smaller masts. The masters were furious and asked the soldier for an explanation and he said the engineer was arguing endlessly about the smaller masts.
The Council asked for the engineer. They could not think about the siege because they were furious about the smaller masts. when arrived, he started explaining how smaller masts will do exactly what they want. the council let him talk and explain and afterward, they got him naked and whipped him until he died.
The engineer, whose name was not mentioned by the history, was a master at his work. he was respected as the best engineer and mast designer. A smaller ram would allow more speed and more force and of course the council could see his points. but why instead of listening to this master, striped him naked and lashed him to death ?
The engineer was an " arguer " type which can be found everywhere among us. They don't understand that words have positive and negative meaning and arguing with superiors have consequences. He also did not know anything about the person he was dealing with. Most people when receive in contrast of what they asked, often, get angry even if what's received is better. Since each man believes that he is right, the words rarely convince him. He pretends he is deaf and do whatever pleases him.
You must learn to judge your moves by their long term effects on people. Trying to prove a point and victory through an argument has a big problem; They may seem to agree with you but they will resent you. Perhaps there was something said that offended them. Remember: Words are a dime a dozen. Anyone knows people say anything in an argument to prove they are right.
Sir Christopher Wren an architect, designed a magnificent town hall for the city of Westminister.
The Mayor was not satisfied with the columns. He felt nervous. He told Wren that he feels the second floor is not well-secured. He demanded Wren to add two columns to support his office. Wren knew he was wrong and these two columns will be useless. but instead of arguing, he build them. It was only years later that it was revealed that the columned could be taken out and were not connected to the ceiling. They were fake.
Remember : Nothing will achieved through arguments except resentment and dislike. No one wants to be proven wrong.
3- Play to People's Fantasies
Truth and honesty is a sharp blade that cut deep and hurt people.
Truth, Often is avoided because it is ugly and unpleasant. Never Burst
truth to people. Instead Use fantasies. People love someone who can
conjure up a fantasy. they will follow them everywhere
The city-state of Venice was prosperous for a long time. People enjoyed wealth and liberties under a republican government that almost no one experienced in Italy. But later on the power and wealth got into the hands of Spanish and portuguese... later on Dutch and English joined them. In Venice banks Started to fold, families went broke. fortune was only a joke among them ,
In 1589, rumors began to circle around Venice that a mysterious man named "Bragadino", a maser in alchemy, who gathered incredible wealth through his ability of " multiplying gold through use of a secret substance". Rumors spread quickly because a few years earlier, a Venetian nobleman heard a prophesy in Poland that Venice could reach back to glory and power if she could find the man who can make gold.
Members of Most important families went to Brescia, where Bragadino lived at that time. They toured in his placed and were in shocked we he show them his gold-making abilities, taking a pinch of seemingly worthless materials and transform it into several ounce of gold dust. Later the Senate voted on an official invitation to invite him to live in Venice at the city's expense.
Late that year, Bragadino arrived in Venice. He took up a luxurious Palace on the Island of Guidecca with all expenses covered by the senate. A kind of alchemy fever spread through Venice. Everyone began to practice alchemy. Bragadino seemed to be in no hurry to begin producing The gold the would save Venice from ruin. Strangely, People from all over the Europe and Asia Rushed there to this gold making person. Months passed. With gifts arriving fro all over the world, Bragadino gave no sign of the miracle he was supposed to perform for Venetian. Eventually the citizen went impatient. at first the senate warned people not to hurry him but by the pressure of the noble families, Senate asked Bragadino to show his results.
Bragadino responded he already used the mysterious substance in the city's mint ( mint is where coins are produced) with which he multiply golds. He could use it all at once but the more slowly the process took place, the more and better it would yield. If the mint is left alone for 7 years, sealed in a casket, The coins will multiply thirty times, Most of the senate Members Would wait for 7 years to tap into the gold mine promised but the alchemists Enemies requested that he produce a proof of his skills. Bragadino responded that Venice betrayed him by impatience and her people will lose his service. Bragadino left town. in 1590 Duke of Bavaria Who had fallen into bankruptcy, invited him with the same terms that Venetian had offered him before. He resume his comfortable life and the same pattern repeated itself.
The young Mamugna had lived in Venice for several years. When he saw how people are looking for a redemption, He went abroad and made some money through scams and with Venice at his main target, He returned to Italy with the fake reputation he built. The rumors spread easily. With showing some gold when walking around or fake illustration of gold-making process, he built this fantasy in Venetian's head that he could bring back back the glory of Venice.
The person who can build a fantasy out of an oppressive reality has access to unbelievable power. Never Get distracted by people's fancy portraits of themselves. search for what really imprisons them. once you find that, you have the magical key that will put great power in your hand.
The Reality:
-Change is slow and gradual. it required hard work, a bit of luck and fair amount of self-sacrifice
-The social realm has hard-set codes and boundaries. We understand these limits and boundaries
-Our society is fragmented and full of conflict
the Fantasy:
-A quick, sudden change that will bring complete change in one's fortune. it bypass hard work, luck, self-sacrifice and time in one stroke.
-We can enter a new world with different rules and codes
-People can come together in a mystical union on souls
Figure out what people are Really looking for. if you want someone to do something Find out how it can be presented as a fast, glorious change in their life. Imagine the person you want to get to do what you want as a Venetian Citizen. What is the fantasy they are seeking and present what you offer as a quick uniting solution that required no self sacrifice and hard work.
Never forget. Getting others to do what you want to do is an art. never lose opportunities by talking about your needs and how they can serve you. Never argue with people. they never change their mind even if they are proven wrong. They become resentful and get angry at you. show them through your action. Words are a dozen a dime and actions area rare as gold.
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